Lost
by Kei52
Summary: Something terrible has happened to Matt! Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again. TaixYama. Warning boyxboy fic! You have been warned!
1. Chapter 1

Summary

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter One: Lost 

The fire started in the tangled wire behind the bathroom heater. At first there was no flame only a core of intense heat. One spark popped then another. The orange line cracked to the panel board. Causing a momentary blink of the house's microwave, stereo, television and alarm clocks. The usual loud fire alarm seemed to have given all its efforts by the first beep, only to die soon after. Through all this the Matt Ishida slept not even stirring from his deep sleep. The blond had been working all day. Taking various pictures to send to a company that were in love with his shots. Though he met his deadline and gotten good reviews from his pictures. He had miss months of a good sleep. So right now the only thing that concerned him was getting a good rest before he headed to meet a new client. The blue flames crept along the chord. Engulfing it until it was too hot to touch. The flames soon became red from contact traveling along the cracks of the bathroom floor. Creeping along burning everything in its path. Soon creeping its way into the bedroom in which Matt slept. The dream, which wouldn't let Matt go, was a dream he had every night. In it he found himself wrapped in the arms of the person he loved. He could hear him speaking but he couldn't understand the words being said. But it didn't matter to him. He was too busy enjoying the contact between them. A cracking sound began to enter his dreams. He shifted trying to remain in the dream world in which he didn't want to leave. Ignoring the sound he absentmindedly press the pillow closer to his head which led on top of him. He didn't want to lose the warmth. He wanted to remain in this world but it felt as if he was losing. "No." he mumbled as he struggled to stay asleep. But soon that wouldn't be a problem as a loud explosion erupted in the house, jarring Matt from his sleep. For a second he didn't know where he was. But only a second and soon his adrenaline kicked in. Matt jumped out his bed ignoring the blistering heat that was attacking his feet. Running out of the bedroom never stopping until he reached outside. He was greeted by the firefighters who had already parked in front of his home and began to hose down the fire. As Matt stood in snow watching his home become one with the fire. He felt a chill run down his spine and he knew well that it wasn't from cold temperature. He knew well that the chill that he felt was a reminder that he had left something important in the house and he wasn't going to let no fire take it from him.

TBC

Kei52 :Please Review! I need five reviews in order to write the second chapter. Though I think this chapter is really bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Two: Lost

He headed back into the flamed house. Ignoring the sounds of people telling him to stop. He couldn't bear to find the bracelet he had received from Tai, a month before he decided to leave Japan, burned to a black mess. He loved that bracelet with all his heart and soul. Without it he knew that he would be lost. The flames seemed to tower over the only entrance into the house, taunting him to stay away. But nothing was going to stop him even if it meant dying. Matt struggled inside finding it difficult to see anything in front of him. He crawled on his hands and knees hoping he could find the table, which he placed his bracelet on, quicker this way. The thick smoke was making it hard to breathe. It was as if it had wrapped its hands around Matt's throat choking him. Feeling as if he couldn't go any farther his hands came upon the legs of the table. He grabbed the bracelet and started to head back from where he came. He felt his body sway and his head become light from the overexposure to the smoke.

" Help!" he cried out hoping someone would hear him. Hearing no response he felt his arms give out. He knew well with all his heart he was going to die here on the ground of his burning house. Instead of feeling scared he felt happy and at peace. He was going to die in a place he recognized even though he was going to die alone. He waited patiently for darkness to come. But what came next was something he didn't expect. He felt himself being lifted and carried out the burning house, away from the thick smoke and heat. He heard voices come from everywhere. He assumed they were orders being shouted out among the firefighters. He was placed upon the ground where a blanket was placed for him along with another one on top of him.

"Sir why did you run back inside? Is there someone else in there?" A male firefighter questioned shaking Matt slightly.

"No," Matt murmured, "I just wanted to get a precious item in there."

"Item? What item?"

" My bracelet." He sighed as he felt darkness come over him.

(A/N: Yeah I know what your thinking a bracelet! WTF!)

Mimi Tachikawa had thought that the week would never end. She felt her exhausted body slid down onto her once vacant couch. She had always thought being a famous fashion designer was the best thing in the world. But right now she had felt nothing but annoyance. For the past month she had made six trips across the world prompting her clothes to close associates and people who were interested in what she designed. She loved the attention that she was getting but hated the fact that she missing on a good rest.

At times like these she allowed her mind to wonder on the past. She didn't want to admit but she missed her friend's support and help. But since they were all in Japan and she was in United States all that support would have to be done by herself. It wasn't as if she was all alone she did have Matt with her in the U.S. but they lost contact about two years ago. The last she heard of him he had, which was sadly on the television, token a break from his successful rock career to pursue photography. After that he moved out his mansion in California and moved somewhere in the United States. Where he moved she had no idea. Mimi felt a sigh escaped from her lips as she tried to get comfortable on her couch. Legs draping across her armrest she turned on the television to find something that was boring enough to cause her to go to sleep. Lucky the only thing that fit her was the news. Mimi stared in boredom as various stories flashed in front of her eyes. She soon felt heaviness come upon her eyelids. Slowing sliding down but before she could fully fall asleep she heard the one name she thought she would never hear again.

" Former rock star and successful photographer Matt Ishida was part of a horrific fire. Which burned his five-bedroom house to the ground. News on his condition is unknown." Mimi soon found herself no longer tried.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

Summary

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Three: Lost 

Matt stayed in the hospital for a week, healing. The doctors told him due to dangerous risk he had token to go back into the burning house. It caused his lungs to inhale too much of the toxic smoke. So under their best wish he remained in hospital. But what annoyed him was the fact that he was staying for that long. Usually he was supposed to be out in three days top but they kept him longer due to the fact that Matt was extremely underweight and fragile. True he hadn't slept well since he started photography and true he hadn't had a decent meal in three months. It wasn't as if he wanted it this way but his job, in his opinion, required perfection. The more perfect it was the better it sold and the more it sold the more praises he received.

Though he enjoyed such praises from his clients. He hated the extra attention he received from the doctors and nurse. He felt that they only cared for him more because he was a celebrity. He had hoped that taking a break from his soaring rock fame that people would forget him. But then again it only had been three years since he put down the guitar and picked up a camera. Matt felt a sigh go pass his lips. He had spent another day with a visiting fan. He was getting tired of hearing the same words being said over and over again.

" You're so brave to run into that house." or, " We just wanted a picture of you with…" Matt felt as if he was in a horrible nightmare of constant fans that wouldn't leave him alone. All he was able to do was give a fake heart felt smile to them. But inside he was praying for a maniac to just come into his room and chase his fans away with a bat or any object that could scare them.

He never thought that talking to fans would be so exhausting. But then again he never thought a hospital would allow non-family members to see him. Matt flinched as he heard a knock come from the door. He knew without turning around it wasn't someone who worked in the hospital. He listened carefully as the person allowed themselves in. Whoever it was, was wearing boots as the familiar sound echoed through his private room. Matt let out a frustrated groan as he readied himself to turn around.

" Sorry to disturb you, Yamato" His body stiffened as he realized this was no ordinary fan. The only people who knew that name were his friends and family. If history served him right all of those people were in Japan. All of them expect-

"Mimi!" Matt shouted as he leapt off his hospital bed, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in California?"

" Okay first off I' am fine thanks for asking."

"Sure no problem." He replied with a sarcastic tone. Though he wouldn't admit it at loud, he was actually glad to see her. It had been four years since they went their separate ways. Four very lonely years! They sat in silence enjoying each other's company. Giving one another a quick smile or a jab to each other side to indicate that they were still alive before returning to their thoughts. This silence lasted for half an hour until Mimi spoke.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know I 'am thinking of building a new house. You know start all over again." Matt responded as he made space for Mimi on the small hospital bed.

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean?" He questioned as he felt an uneasiness travel through his body.

"I mean come on Yama you run into a burning house for goodness sake."

"I know but it was for a good reason." He suddenly found himself unable to look her in the eye.

"What the hell could be so important that you risk your life?" Matt remain silent fighting to control his anger. " You nearly died going in after a thing. A thing Yama!"

"That thing is something special to me." He started, "Something that you could never understand!" Mimi stared at her now shaking friend confusion going through her mind.

"He gave it to me a week before I agreed to come with you." It didn't take her long to figure out who was talking about. She knew he was talking about Tai the brunette haired man that he left in Japan. The same man who Matt loved even though its been seven years since he last seen him.

"Sorry." That was all she was able to say. But inside she was calling herself an ass for the unneeded comment.

"It's okay." He sighed for the second time in a row. "You didn't know." He tried his best to smile but the sadness in his heart wouldn't allow it.

"It's been seven years since I ran from him hoping he would never find out about my past. I thought in the end I would be saving him from the hurt. But I never realized that I wouldn't be able to save myself." Matt said, as he looked Mimi in the eyes again.

"I ran inside the house because I didn't want to lose the one connection that I have to him. I ran inside because no matter how much I try to get rid of this hurt. It always comes back to remind me how much I need him." Matt knew he was crying and for the first time in his life he didn't care.

He was tried of putting on a mask to cover up his emotion. He didn't care if he looked vulnerable in the eyes of his friend. He wanted to get rid of the pain that he felt every time he woke up or the undeniable guilt he felt day by day.

" But most of all, it hurts so much to love him Mimi," he choked as he leaned on the comforting shoulders of his friend. "I would rather have him hate me for leaving him than have him hate me for my past mistakes." He whispered as he felt another set of tears stream down his face.

TBC…

Kei52: I really don't like this chapter. But please R&R! I hopefully should have the next chapter in a week or two. Thanks for the reviews so far!


	4. Chapter 4

Kei52: Sorry it's so late but school just started and I've been busy. I've had projects, test, exams and essays all month so I'm sorry for the delay! But here's the new chapter enjoy!!

Summary

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Four: Lost

Matt found himself pacing in his living room fighting to make a decision to his predicament. Every now and then he would send his phone a glare full of hate as if it had grown legs and kicked him in the groin. He knew it would be seem silly to someone to see him pacing in his own home with a grim look on his face. But he had a reason for such a display and it was the grim fact he was going to tell his family and friends that he was back in Japan.

The only problem was he was nervous out his mind. But he would never admit that he was anxious to lift the phone off the receiver. He just called it a stomach flu that he was feeling instead of what usual people call butterflies.

He had been in Japan for a month and thankfully nobody recognized him or announced his return since then. He somehow avoided his friends and family whenever he saw them and he was quiet proud of this accomplishment. He wanted to call Mimi and ask her to help him out but right now they weren't on speaking terms

**_Flashback_**

_After his release from the hospital Matt was all but happy to return to his normal life. Though that normal life meant spending a couple of months with Mimi in her California mansion. He was grateful to have her here with him in the United States cause he wouldn't know what to do if he was alone._

_He leaned on his sports car waiting for Mimi to come take him to her home. He was told to pack his remaining clothes in a small suitcase she had given to him the two days before he was released. He had even given her permission to transfer his money into her bank of choice. He was supposedly going to stay with her until he got a new home._

_But his happiness was slowing fading as it was placed with annoyance. He had been leaning on his car for the past couple of hours and his was becoming irritated with waiting for so long. She had told him to come early for their meeting so instead of eight he came around seven but right now it was nine thirty._

_He released a low growl as he saw Mimi's limo pull up towards him. He walked slowly towards it hoping his anger would vanish by the time he got there._

_They sat in silence throughout the whole ride and Matt was fine with that. He had nothing to say to her anyways. _

_They finally arrived at their destination and Mimi's jet was waiting for them. He got out and stretched his legs and boarded the plane before anyone asks for his autograph. He felt his body relax as it came into contact with the leather seat. _

_Five minutes went by and Mimi still hadn't come on. He was beginning to get irritated again with Mimi taking so long. But before he could get up to look for her the plane started. Matt began to panic as the jet began to move._

"_Stop you idiot! Mimi hasn't boarded the plane yet!" He shouted as he ran to cockpit._

"_Yes we know that Mr. Ishida it was requested by Ms. __Tachikawa. It is our job to take you to Japan without her." The pilot replied unfazed by the heated glare he was receiving from Matt._

"_WHAT!"_

"_Yes didn't she tell you?"_

"_Hell no!"_

"_Language Mr. Ishida." Before Matt could respond a light tap was felt on his back. He spun around to found himself staring in the eyes of Mimi's secretary._

" _A letter for you Mr. Ishida it's from Mimi." She spoke as he handed Matt a cream colored letter with a pink Mimi embedded on the front._

_Matt sat back down as he read the letter._

**'_Dear Yama,_**

_**I 'am sorry for playing this trick on you but you need to face your demons. I knew you would have denied this request of going to Japan to see everyone again especially Tai. **_

_**I wouldn't try to force the pilot to take you back because he's been in the army. He seen tougher guys than you so it would be best to sit down and enjoy yourself.**_

_**Once you land my secretary will take you to the home you'll be staying in. don't brother trying to run away either my body guards were instructed to keep you in Japan under their watchful eyes until he settled down.**_

_**Oh almost forgot you can't get a passport to come back either for I had my friend who's a computer whiz erase your name from their database. So no flying for you! Your money has been transferred and only my secretary is able to access it.**_

_**So enjoy your stay in Japan and I'll see you in a year. Hopefully you and Tai will be together by that time.**_

_**Love Mimi'**_

_Matt read the letter a second time to make sure he read it right. But there was no mistaking it Mimi had tricked him into boarding the plane and he couldn't stop her._

"_Damn you Mimi!" He shouted as he ran his hand through his hair. He should be angry with her but part of him couldn't help but feel grateful for what she was doing._

"_Mr. Ishida phones for you its Mimi."_

"_Tell her to shove her foot up her ass and leave it there. I'm not talking to that evil spawn of a human being!"_

_**End of Flashback**_

So here he was a month had past and still no progress. Occasionally Mimi would try to talk to him but he would always say he was too busy to speak with her. Matt rubbed his eyes and got up to grab his black jacket.

If anything were to happen he would he need his head to be clear. He didn't know where he was going as long as he was able to clear his head he would be fine.

He found himself at the park under the tree that he and Tai had shared the first time they had kissed. He could still feel Tai's warm lips on his own as he had pushed him against the tree. It was a long kiss that had love, desire and happiness, something that he had missed while in America.

Matt held back his tears as he tried to push those happy memories with Tai back in the back of his head. He didn't want to remember a past that was lost and never coming back.

He felt himself quicken his pace hoping to get away from this place that were bringing back all these memories. He was walking so fast he didn't notice the person in front of him until he collided with causing himself to fall hard the ground with his butt.

"Sorry I wasn't looking at were I was going." Matt grunted as he was helped onto his feet.

"It's okay I was kind of in a rush so it's really my fault." Matt replayed as he lifted up his head to see who was talking to him. He soon regretted it as he quickly lowered his head hoping his bangs would cover his face.

"Are you sure?'

"Y-yeah it's c-cool." He strutted. ' Dammit not him anything but him. I'm not ready to see him!' Matt shouted in his head as he began to walk past the person.

"Well bye." Matt mumbled as he tried to run from him. Tired being the key word as he felt someone grab his wrist causing the upper part of his body to twist to face the person he bumped into.

Deep ocean blue eyes stared up at dark browns ones.

"Yama?" He spoke with both shock and anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"

'_Oh shit!'_

_Tbc…_


	5. Chapter 5

Summary

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Five: Lost

The grip on his wrist tightened, as he was pulled closer to the man in front of him. Matt's knee grew weak and his breathing became more rapid. He knew this feeling well since he spent most of his teenage years with it. This feeling wasn't of love or happiness it was a feeling of fear and dread.

He forced himself to look back into the eyes of the person who held him. Those eyes, which were causing him to tremble, held both lust and anger. Pure hazel eyes that could make anyone melt only caused him to fear the worst.

"Please let me go." Matt pleaded hopping that someone would notice his distress and take him away from the hazel-eyed man. But it never came and Matt felt his heart drop when he noticed the man's eyes no longer held anger but held a predator like lust.

"My, my Yama you have changed." The man said as a small smile came upon his lips.

"Please Mikio let me go." He pleaded again.

"Why should I when I finally got back my missing prize." The man named Mikio replied.

Matt hated that he was showing weakness in front of this man. But Mikio was the same man who had brought him a life of fear, lost and hatred. The same man whom he had dedicated his life to until he was shattered.

He slowly took in sight of the man in front of him. Though his first name was Japanese he knew from experience that Mikio was born and raised in the United States and came to Japan when he had turned thirteen.

He slowly took in the jet-black hair that seemed lighter than the last time they had seen each other. His pale complexion had been blessed with sunlight for it given him a darker complexion. Everything on him screamed that he had been working out since they had last seen each other. Matt couldn't help but think that Mikio was the perfect person to show off and make anyone jealous.

"My Yama you have changed!" He spoke again as his eyes took in the blond before him, "Your eyes have become lighter, no longer the ocean blue I remember. You also grew out your hair."

Matt felt the dark haired man lift up his chin causing his body to shoot warning signals to his brain to move. But it seemed his feet hadn't received the message, instead his knees did as he felt them give out. But before he could fall he was pulled back up.

"Now Yama you don't have to fell for _me_." Mikio spoke seductively as he bit the ear lobe of the blond.

Matt whimpered from the contact as tears fall from his eyes. Memories from his past that he held came back stronger and more determined to make him remember

He gasped as he felt a hand slid down his waist and pitch his ass. '_Oh god not here not now! Please not again_.' Matt thought as more tears fall from his eyes.

"Yama did I tell you that you look better with a ponytail. You look almost like a woman." Mikio whispered as he bit into Matt's neck, " It makes it easier to do this to you."

"Mr. Ishida!" someone shouted. Matt thought he would never be as happy as he was to see Mimi's secretary came running towards him. He would have to remind himself later on to thank Mimi for making the secretary come with him.

"We'll continue this later." Mikio said as he bit Matt's earlobe before leaving the blond by himself. As he walked away his eyes held deep enjoyment that his toy wasn't out of his reach now that he was back in Japan.

Once he was certain the dark-haired man was a good distance away. Matt fell to his knees, slamming his fist in the ground. Tears he had held back for the past seven years streamed down his face. He fought with himself to stop the tears but they wouldn't end and after a minute he gave in.

All the frustration and guilt all came out and he wasn't going to stop them. For the second time in a row his tears had won and were allowed to stream freely down his face.

"Mr. Ishida are you ok? Did that man hurt you?" The secretary questioned as she tried to calm the former rock star down.

Matt shook his head as he cried on the secretary's shoulder. After a few minutes silence was heard between the two and before the secretary could ask the blond if he was okay. She felt him go limp in her arms

Tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

Summary

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Six: Lost

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

Matt snorted as he watched the couple before him declare their love for each other. He knew what their were doing was nothing more than acting. It was a television show for goodness sake! But he couldn't help but feel disgusted at the way they threw the word "love" around.

It was the afternoon and usually Matt would find himself too busy to watch any television but here he was lying on the couch watching a soap opera **(A/N I don't know the names of the shows but if you have please tell me.).** If that wasn't embarrassing enough occupying his hands was a spoon and small tube of vanilla ice cream.

He knew the state that he was in would have been the talk of town. But he was too annoyed and depressed to care. After the incident with Mikio he decided to lock himself inside his home. He refused any contact from Mimi and ignored the secretary's pleas to come take a walk with her outside.

So what he hadn't step foot outside his home for two weeks? It's not like he has anything important to do except tell his friends and family he was back home. But he doubted that they would all disappear from the face of the earth if he didn't. Matt was snapped out of his thoughts as shouting was heard from outside his home.

"LET ME THROUGH!" he recognized that as none other than Mimi and by the sounds of it she was angry.

"Ms. Tachikawa I'm sorry but Mr. Ishida made strict orders of not letting anyone in"

"You dare to question me! I'm the one that hired you not _**him**_!"

Even from his position on the couch he felt the temperature in the room drop as she spoke the last part of her sentence. Oh she was beyond angry and by the sound of it she wouldn't rest until his head was mounted on her wall.

"S-sorry Ms. Tachikawa I forgot my place. Mr. Ishida is inside."

"I thought so." Matt braced himself for the assault that was coming for him on the couch. He pulled his legs closer to his chest and placed his arms around his head. He prayed that the pain wouldn't hurt for too long.

"GET UP!" Mimi screeched " And get dressed if you're not in my car in ten minutes you'll regret for the rest of your life."

Matt wondered if it was possible that a smile could look so frightening as the one placed on Mimi's face. Rather than risk his life he rushed to his bedroom and put his long sleeve black shirt that had a red dragon in the front and some dark blue jeans.

He was dressed in five minutes and no less. When Mimi had that look on her face you didn't question anything. If she told you to jump off of a mountain you had better know damn well what mountain she was talking about.

Within seven minutes Matt found himself in Mimi's car not even brothering to lock up. **(A/N: he was that nervous! ) **He was curious as to where Mimi was taking him but he was too nervous to ask. Could you blame him if nothing but images of his body being flung into a river kept coming to his mind?

The two companions drove in silence a kind of calm in the air, well for one passenger the other one was sweating with fear mentally writing his will. After about thirty minutes the car came to a stop in front of a hotel. Matt recognized this place for he had came here for his fifteen birthday with his family. They had spent a week here and though he would never admit it was his fondest memory.

It was were he had dunked his brother Takeru in the pool and got a face full of cake as of revenge from his brother. But most of all it was were Tai and Matt, after begging his parents to let Tai come, had become official lovers. They had snucked away from his family to be alone and in the end found themselves in the hotel garden.

Matt remembered it like it was yesterday:

_**Flashback**_

"_I thought we would never be alone!" Tai groaned as he sat down on the bench behind the many rose bushes._

"_Me either." Matt chuckled as he sat down by his friend. Though he wished for more he was satisfied with this arrangement._

_Matt stared at the yellow and red roses before him he didn't know why but they calm him in a weird way._

"_Hey Matt" Matt looked into the eyes of his friend. Deep chocolate brown eyes that sent shivers down his back._

"_Yeah." Matt was surprised that his voice wasn't at all husky like he thought it woul be._

" _You know I never gave you your birthday gift."_

"_Y-you didn't?" Matt stuttered, as Tai got closer to him. If Matt tilted his head their lips would have been touching. _

"_Nope so here it is." Matt looked at Tai's hands and saw nothing. No box or ribbon nothing. He knew he looked hurt but he couldn't help it. He heard Tai chuckle and was thankful for the fact that he was able to mask up his emotions. Cause the last time he checked Matt Ishida does not blush._

" _Well where is it then!" He snapped. He didn't appreciate the way Tai was teasing him after the hell he want through to get him here._

"_Right here." Matt couldn't think as he felt Tai's warm lips on his. It had been months since they had shared that kiss under the tree. Months that Tai never told him how he truly felt about him._

_Breaking apart for air Matt looked into Tai's lust filled eyes and felt a blush moving from his neck up to his cheeks._

"_My gift for you is me." Tai spoke as he looked at Matt's slightly red lips, " My gift is for you to be my boyfriend, lover and life partner."_

_Matt felt tears come to his eyes and he didn't brush them away._

"_Why are crying?"_

"_I'm happy. Thank you for the best birthday present Tai."_

"_Anything for my sunshine."_

_Matt smiled as his lips were retaken. He now knew how it felt to be the luckiest person in the world._

_**End of Flashback**_

Matt sighed as he entered the elevator after Mimi. To bad that after a month into their relationship Matt ran into Mikio who promise him a life of fortune if he was allowed to be the manger of Matt's band Teenage Wolves.

He truly trusted the man but in the end his was forced into a life of prostiution and hell. He became distant from his family and Tai, fearing they would look at him in disgust at what he was doing.

He even hoped that Tai would have dumped him for someone better but he stayed . He took all of Matt's resentment and hatred. He hated the fact that Tai could love someone who couldn't bare to have anyone touch them.

So for two years Matt lived with the guilt of knowing that he was now a failure not only as a son or brother but as a lover too. So he did the one thing that he thought could save him, he ran.

When he heard that Mimi was going to live in the United States for now on. He rushed to her and begged for her to take him too. So the day he ran he left a note telling his parents and brother that he had done something that would disgust them and that he had to get away to save them and him from humilation.

He couldn't tell Tai anything so the day before he left they slept together and Matt told him he loved him with all his heart and soul. To this day he was still in love with the tanned boy.

"Matt?" Once again Matt found himself snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at Mimi confusion on his face as to why they stopped walking.

"We're here." Mimi told him as if reading his thoughts.

"What's here?" Mimi turned her back to him as she opened the door. The room was covered in darkness but he could easily tell this was a big room. As soon as he stepped into the room lights were flicked on and bodies were popping up from different locations in the room.

"WELCOME BACK MATT!!!" He recoginzed all of them. From his parents and brother to his nerdy friend Izzy to his understanding friend Sora. All the digidestined were there all of them including Tai. As both their eyes locked Matt felt his legs move before he his mind registered what he was doing. Matt was running away and he didn't care the person he loved and hurt was there and he couldn't bare to be in the same room as him.

* * *

Tbc……. 


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

Summary 

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Seven: Lost 

"Matt come back!" Mimi shouted as she watch her friend run farther away from her. She couldn't understand why he was running. These people were his family, the people he loved and cared about. These were the same people that Matt would die for.

"Ma-" Stopping short she watched the back of another person run past her. Someone that she knew would be the only person that could bring Matt back. Smiling to herself Mimi turned her attention back to the family and friends that held the look of shock on their faces.

"While we wait for them to come back. Does anyone want something to drink?"

* * *

Matt couldn't understand the fear that he was feeling as he ran towards the elevator. It only took one look at Tai and Matt felt his heart racing. He couldn't stay not with Tai around!

He let out a sigh of relief as the elevator came into his view. He was going to make it and once he was away from this hotel he was going to run. He didn't know where he'd end up and he didn't care. As long as he was away from Tai he would be happy.

As soon as he felt a calming effect come over him he felt a warmth that he thought he would never feel again. He didn't have to guess who had their arms wrapped around his waist. He only knew one person who had arms that look as if they were place in the sun for hours.

"No!" Matt cried out as he felt his body went backwards. '_Dammit no!' _he thought, '_I'm not ready._'

"Why did you run?"

"I'm sorry! Please let me go!" Matt shouted as he struggled to be released from Tai's grip. He didn't want to feel his heart skip like it was doing now. He didn't want to remember the warmth that he longed for after being away from it for so long. He didn't want to remember not after trying so hard to forget.

"Matt why are you running away from us…from me?" Matt couldn't help but hear the hurt in his voice.

"Please Tai I can't-"

"Why not, what are you so afraid of?"

" I'm not afraid of anything I just-"

"You just what?"

"I just want you to let me go!"

"No."

"Let me go, please."

"Why are you running away from me?"

"I'm not."

"Then why won't you look at me?"

"I just can't."

"So you run," Tai shouted as he released Matt from his bear hug, "I don't see you for years and the one time I see you again you run from me."

"I didn't run from you." Matt replied as he kept his back towards him.

"Bullshit! Look straight at me and tell me that you're not running from me Matt! "

"Please understand-"

"See! You can't even look at me Matt. The one eye contact we have after seven years and you give me this look of fear. A look as if I could kill you at any minute." Matt cringed at the words; he didn't mean to hurt Tai.

"It's not that it's just." His throat began to tighten as he fought with the tears that came to his eyes.

"What?"

"Just know that it doesn't concern you. It never concerned you!"

"What the hell!"

"It's none of your business and it never was. It's my entire fault! I was the idiot and you were the smartass!"

"Matt what are you talking about."

"It's nothing!" Matt felt his whole body tremble. He was losing his cool in front of Tai and he knew he wasn't going to be able to calm down because of him.

"Matt calm down," Tai spoke as if reading Matt's mind, " talk to me don't yell at me. You know I'll listen." Wrapping his arms protectively around Matt's waist Tai allowed him to cry on his shirt. He knew this was the only way to calm the blonde down. Though it had been many years since he had held Matt like that. It still felt natural to him.

Matt felt himself melt as Tai wrapped his arms around him. Seven long years but his body still remembered the feeling. It was a feeling that his body had ached for so long and was denied for so long.

The two former lovers held each other as memories from their past came to mind. Memories of love and happiness that ended too quickly.

"Matt you want to talk now?" Tai spoke softly.

" It's nothing just forget everything I've said and done. I'll go back to the party now." Matt spoke as he pushed himself away from Tai.

"Matt-"

"Tai please don't bring up the past."

"What the hell do I have to do so you can open up!"

"You can't do anything! Just forget that I exist and you won't have to suffer anymore." Matt kept his eyes lowered as he spoke those words. Ignoring the frustrated growl from Tai, he began to walk down the hall towards the room that he had ran from. Not even bothering to notice the hurt that was placed on Tai's face.

* * *

Mimi wanted to be angry, angry enough that she could punch a hole into the wall, but she couldn't. One this wasn't her room and second she couldn't be mad at someone who had suffered like Matt did.

But she couldn't understand what was taking Tai so long to bring Matt back. It would usually take him six minutes to find the run away blond and bring him back from where ever he had run away to. Right now an hour almost passed and they were still not back.

Looking at her watch one more time, she felt her stomach tighten. She watched with fear as the door to their room open. First to come in was Tai and finally Matt. She felt her herself breathe a sigh of relief.

She didn't let the facial slip her mind. One held a look as if the world had crumbled underneath them and the other a look of helplessness and defeat. _'For now I'm just happy their fine._' Mimi thought.

For it was the truth, both men were with them celebrating. Until everyone left she would act as if everything is okay. Even if it meant denying the heavy heart and guilt she felt from their facial expressions.

TBC…


	8. Chapter 8

Summary 

Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.

Disclaimer 

I own nothing! But I wish I did.

Chapter Eight: Lost

Matt felt anxious as he watched his friends and family enjoy the party that was meant for him. He didn't laugh when Izzy had tripped over his shoes and landed on the floor with his cup of wine on his head. Nor did he smile when Mimi and Sora started singing _Best Friends by Toybox_. Knowing full well that their singing could wake the dead.

He knew that he couldn't leave cause he'll just be found and brought back to the party. He knew that he couldn't cry cause people would just surround him wondering what was wrong with him. He knew he couldn't talk cause somehow they would end up on the subject of why he had left Japan.

He just stood out in the balcony staring at everyone and anything. He wanted to be under his bed sleeping his life away not caring about life and the people around him. He wasn't mad or sad he just felt paranoid.

He felt in his heart that no one was happy only pretending so he wouldn't disappear again. He wanted to be away from the fake laughter and smiles. He just wanted to be away.

As quickly as he thought of it he felt his back press towards the balcony. '_Just tilt back and you'll be away'_ he thought. He felt a smile come to his lips and no matter how hard he tried to remove it, it wouldn't go away.

" I'm going to kill myself with a smile on my face." He whispered. Matt turned his body to look towards the city below him. He was on the eighth floor so he was pretty high up. He saw the cars moving along the streets and the people walking towards their destination. He felt invisible no one saw him or was going to stop him. He could just kill himself and they'll just keep walking past his dead body.

He found such a thought funny! Here he was a famous celebrity in America loved by so many even treated like he was king. But yet here in Japan he was nothing more than a dirty liar and cheat. He was treated like he was glass from his family and friends. They put him at a distance that wouldn't cause him to be jumpy but yet able to see him. He was an animal on display at a zoo so near but yet so far.

'_Jump it's not like they care!' _Matt felt himself dipping his body over the balcony he felt himself standing on the tip of his toes. _'Your almost there just a little more!' _He saw that he was closer to the people below all he had to do was hop on one of his feet and his body would be falling towards the ground. He would be happy and that smile that seemed glued on his face would be there as he lay dying_. 'I could finally remove this pain from my heart.'_

"MATT! NO!" Matt found himself no longer looking towards the people below but towards the sky and Mimi's face.

" Are you crazy! Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Yes." he replied calmly trying to control his anger.

"WHAT!"

"I wanted to kill myself and you ruined it!"

"Matt y-you can't be serious."

"I am! I'm tried of hiding my emotions from everyone I meet. I'm tried of lying to my friends and family. I'm tried of never being able to remove the title of former prostitute or the fact that I wasn't strong enough to stop Mikio and even today I still tremble when he's near me."

"Matt-"

"Damn you –ha ha -Mimi! I wanted- ha haaa- to die and you ruined it!" Matt found himself laughing as if he found everything entertaining. _' I'm going insane!'_ he thought. No matter how hard he tried to stop he couldn't.

"Matt what's wrong?" he could see the concern in Mimi's eyes as worry took form over her face.

"I –ha ha- can't stop- ha haa ha – laughing- heh ha! I must be-ha ha heh- going crazy- haaa!"

"Oh sweetie!" He just couldn't stop even when tears came to his eyes. "Matt come on now stop! You're making me nervous. Do you want me to call Tai?"

" Oh hell- ha haaa- no!"

"Then stop!" He looked straight at her with that stupid grin on his face. Though he held a smile on his lips his eyes held a look of panic.

"If I could- haa- don't you think – haa heh- I would have!"

"I'm getting Tai!" In a flash Matt found himself pinning Mimi to the ground. His face no longer held a smile and his eyes no longer held a look of panic.

"Don't you dare bring him here." Those words felt cold as they escaped Matt's lips. He knew they were as he felt Mimi shiver beneath him.

Gently rising himself off her Matt pressed his back towards the balcony. Feeling the cold cement on his butt and back. He felt confused what had happened to him a second ago? Why couldn't he stop laughing even when he tried?

"Mind explaining the laughter."

"Not really."

"Oh hell don't start that cold bastard thing with me."

"I'm not! I won't explain something that even I don't understand."

"So basically you lost your mind there."

"Whatever makes you sleep well at night." He snapped he didn't feel like talking about anything that happened just a moment ago.

"Don't think you'll be avoiding this!" she said as if reading his mind, " What the hell just happened a moment ago! I find you leaning over the balcony actually attempting suicide and when I rescue you. You bitch at me questioning why I saved your ass. What the hell Matt do you really want to die; to leave your family and friends with a heartbreak over a senseless death!"

"Yes I want to die! I want to be away from this guilt and pain that I hold in my heart. I want to be away from these people and this life. Do you even remember that I didn't wish to be here? Do you remember the reason I ran from this place and why I haven't talk to them for almost seven years! I was forced into prostitution Mimi I was forced to sell my body for sex. I was someone's bitch and slut!"

"I know that why do you have to keep bringing it up! Why do think I brought you here Matt? You've repressed it for so long that now it has become a part of you. At least now you can get help through the people that love you."

"I will never tell them! I will die first before I tell my family of the great shame that I have cause them. I will not ever speak of the horrific things that I've done."

"But Matt look at you and what Mikio has done to you. You've become skinnier and you barely sleep like you use too."

"These are not due to Mikio they are from my photography job-"

"Oh bullshit! Stop lying to yourself"

"I'm not lying!"

"Then tell them! Tell them of the way you were treated by Mikio. Tell them how he forced you to sleep with strangers and how some of them abused you. Tell them of the forced drugs you had to take in order to satisfy those clients. Tell them to help with your problems Matt because your drowning and I can't be the only one trying to save you!"

"I can't tell them Mimi! I can't go up to Tai and tell him that while I was with him I was sleeping with over fifty people. I can't go up to my parents and brother and tell them their son and role model has failed them because I've done drugs and alcohol. That I find myself in bed with someone new everyday. I can't! Not now."

"Then when?" Matt felt his body stiffened. That wasn't Mimi's voice that had asked that questioned. He raised his head towards the voice and what he saw made his blood turn cold.

His brother stood in front of him, the shoulder length blond hair that seem to frame his face. Though he held no facial hair he held a maturity that couldn't be explained. His blue eyes were softer than Matt's but right now they were stern; his arms were wrapped around his wife Hikari.

Behind them he could see Tai leaning on the wall fighting whether to go to him or stay where he was. Next to him his parents stood by the doorway looking at their son as if he had open the ground beneath their feet.

He felt trapped, surround by people he didn't want to see. He averted his eyes back towards Mimi begging for her to take him home. Understanding Matt's silent plea Mimi slowly got up from the floor along with Matt.

"It seems that we have an audience", she began, " How long have you been here?"

" Since the 'don't think you be avoiding this' comment."

"So you heard a lot. Maybe it's best that I take you home now Matt."

"Maybe it is." Nodding his head Matt walked quickly past them he rushed towards the hotel door hearing Mimi's footsteps behind him. As he slowly closed the door Matt heard his mother speak.

"Why didn't tell you us Yama!" his mother cried. He felt his heart break from the sound.

TBC…


	9. Chapter 9

** Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Nine: Lost

Matt didn't know when he had climbed into Mimi's car. He didn't know how and when he had entered his home or when he had taken his shirt off. But here he was shirtless and staring at his television as if it held the answers to all that had happened to him.

He vaguely recalled the one sided conversation that Mimi was having with him just moments ago. It was if his mind just wanted to remember all the things that happened at the hotel and nothing else. Like his memory the one thing that seemed to stick with him, as he sat on the couch, was this sickening numbness that traveled all the way from his head to his toes.

It had happened, the worst thing that could ever happen to him happen. His friends and family knew about his past. They knew that Yamato Matt Ishida the trustworthy son and loving brother; the friend that, though at times may seemed annoyed, would help you out in a flash was not nothing more than a former prostitute.

Matt unknowingly wrapped his arms around his body. He couldn't understand how he had fucked up so badly. '_How could he have let everything go so horribly wrong?'_ He could still see the shock expressions on his parent's face. He had let them done so much before but them finding **that**out about their son they must find him repulsive.

He felt the small scars rubbed up against his arms. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get rid of these scars that littered his body. He knew why they were there they were his punishment scars. When Mikio thought he was acting out he would whip him reminding him that he was nothing more than a slave and nothing else.

That was when he couldn't take it anymore and run. It was funny though how Tai never noticed the scars as they had made love but then again there wasn't that much back then. Most of these scars that were on his arms, stomach, and chest now were all self-inflicted.

Matt walked to his bedroom in a dazed. He didn't even realize he had lain on his bed until he found himself face to face with his radio. _'How could I fuck up so bad?' _Matt thought, _'How could I let Mikio do that to me. I was a freaken digdestin for goodness sake. I had gone through worst things and still came out victorious. So how could I let Mikio do those things to me!'_

"Why didn't tell you us Yama!" Those words played over and over in his head. He didn't tell because he had already known how they were going to react. He had already seen their reactions in his mind. His mother would have been heartbroken as she tightened her grip on her skirt. His father would have been silent a look of disgust written all over his face and his sweet brother would have been ashamed to be around him.

They would have probably told him to leave and never come because he had shamed the good Ishida name. No knight in shining armor would have come to save him because once Tai found out he had done he would have dumped him in a heartbeat. He would have been disgusted at the fact that his so-called loyal boyfriend was sleeping around with anyone that could pay him.

He wanted to scream, to cry, to throw something, but it was if his body had given up on him. So he just laid there staring at his radio watching seconds turn to minutes and minutes into hours.

The room was in complete silence as if any sound could break the curled up figure. But every now then the single occupant would speak. Speaking words that if any one else heard would break their hearts in two.

"I'm repulsive."…silence… "The worst."…silence… "Why do I always hurt them?"… silence… "How could I cause them such pain?"…silence…

* * *

'_When had it happened ?' _Mimi asked herself as she stood under the shower. Allowing the warm water to descend upon her body. When had Matt become the person she had seen moments ago? He had looked weak, confused, hurt, and there had been this dark aura of self hatred coming from him

" Dammit!" she screamed slamming her fist into the wall, "Was I so wrapped with wanting to go to America that I began to forget about my friends. I should have notice that something was wrong. We should have notice something was wrong with him?"

She felt her body tremble as anger traveled throughout her body. She hadn't been the only one who hadn't notice. His friends and family should have seen the difference. Even his fucken boyfriend should have known. They had been so blind to him; while he suffered they went on their happy lives without a single glance towards him.

Why had it taken him running to her, pleading for her to take him with her to America for her to notice? It was then she had seen the difference. She had seen the dark circles around his eyes and the scars that hadn't been covered by his long coat.

She had remembered the icy knot that had formed in her stomach when he had finally told her everything. She had felt as if the plane had opened up beneath her sucking her in all the while laughing at her stupidity. She hadn't noticed and till this day she had blame herself.

She hadn't really wanted to leave him alone but the Matt that had just sat there staring at his television was a Matt she didn't want to place in her memories. She had felt so far from him even though they had sat right next to each other.

Mimi finally stepped out the shower wrapping her pink towel around herself. She felt herself sway on her feet and slowly collapsed on the floor. She felt hot tears come from her eyes sliding down her face.

She felt angry, guilty, and annoyed all at once. Angry at the fact that it was now that everyone knew about the things Matt had done, guilty that she hadn't notice the difference in his behavior and looks back when they were teens; and annoyed that no one had notice him hurting and calling out for help.

* * *

TBC…

Kei52: Sorry about the lateness but I had school and final exams to worry about. I probably won't have these up as quickly as I use to cause I have college to worry about. So thanks to all who have read this and try to bear with me. Thank you!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Ten: Lost

The battered and broken figure lay curled up on the ground. Pulling their legs closer to their chest as they waited silently for the next assault. They didn't scream or fight for they knew that it would only get worse.

They heard movement from behind them and hugged their legs closer to their body, burying their face as it came to contact. They felt the cold fear creep throughout their body as the sound of footsteps came closer.

"You have been disgraceful! How dare you defy me when I have given you such a good life!" The curled up figure wanted to object to such things. They didn't have a good life since they met that person. They were in hell every day, minute, and second they were with this person. They were tortured, beaten, and forced to do horrible acts for this person's pleasure.

"Do you have something to say?" The question was met with silence as they watched the bloody body on the ground wrap themselves in a tighter ball.

"Are you defying me again?" The person spoke as they reached for the whip that lay on the table behind them, "Do you want to be introduced to my caring friend again?"

"NO!"

"Good now I'll ask you again. Do you HAVE something to say?"

"I-I'm s-s-sorry."

"Now that wasn't so hard. But you see my dear pet you embarrassed me in front of an important friend and you know I don't take embarrassment well." The figure sneered as he saw the body stiffen beneath him

"Oh please don't I'm sorry!" The curled figure cried. They watched with glee as the figure beneath them began to violently shake with fear. They were the cause of this fear and it was both delicious and arousing.

"That's good pet beg for it!" The figure spoke as he tightened his hold on the whip, "Beg and scream for mercy!" As he flung the whip towards the victim he felt his excitement increased as the battered figure screamed out in pain.

"That's it my pet scream for me and only me cause no one will ever see such a beautiful sight but me!"

'_Tai save me!' _Matt screamed in his head as he felt the whip connect to his skin again and again. Each blow was worse than the last tearing his skin apart. Pain shot through him causing him to see stars as Mikio continued his 'discipline'.

"I think that's enough for today." Mikio spoke as he placed the whip back on the table. He watched with satisfaction as the blonde shook from the pain.

"Good job my pet you took your punishment well." Mikio spoke, as he got closer to the trembling blonde, "Since you took your punishment so well I have a reward for you." Mikio watch with lustful eyes as the blond slowly turned towards the black haired man.

"You get," he spoke hoarsely as he straddled the blonde, "to have your master in you."

Matt awoke with a start from his nightmare. He scanned the room he was in looking for the man name Mikio. He soon realized that he was in his bed at his home not with Mikio in some horrid basement. _'I'm in my room.'_ he told himself over and over trying to slow down the rapid beating of his heart.

He remembered that day; it had been his first customer. Mikio had told one of his friends about Matt and he nearly begged to meet the blonde. So when they were introduced Matt had felt nothing but disgust for the man. He hated him as much as he hated Mikio

He was one of those stuck up businessman who bullied others so he could get what he wanted. He had been no taller than Matt with a belly that could revival Santa Claus. But instead of twinkling eyes he had lust in his green eyes. He was a nervous man, which Matt knew, since he constantly run his hand through his thinning white hair.

Matt couldn't recall his name but what he worn that day told him that he was very successful in whatever he was doing. He had been a cruel bastard with Matt tying his hands and feet around the bed. He had done everything but kiss him since Matt would turn his head every time he was near. His lips were the one thing Matt couldn't have taken away from him. They belong to Tai no matter what others told him and because of that he paid the price.

As soon as Mikio had him alone he had beaten him raw. That day was the one of the worst days Matt would have for the next two years. He been beaten, raped twice, and had given up. He had only been himself, stubborn and defiant, but he had paid a price.

Since then he had kissed anyone willingly afraid to return back to that brutal beating. But even though Mikio never hit him with a whip again the people he had slept with had been worst. He had been beaten, slapped, burnt with both a cigarette and hot water, had his fingers crush and gang raped repeatedly until he ran away.

He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. But it was no use the dream was still fresh in his mind. Reluctantly he got out of bed and headed towards his kitchen to make some coffee.

* * *

"Truthfully I don't know if you'll be able to do much." Mimi said as she sat in the lobby of the hotel she was staying in. She felt the signs of a headache coming on as she pinched her nose.

"Just let me try." The man before her pleaded. They had been sitting there for an hour arguing over this subject. She felt herself losing her patience as bone numbing tiredness come over her.

"What could you do that I couldn't?"

"You know I could do more than you could ever do." He argued. He stared Mimi down waiting for her next response. He wasn't going to back down no matter how much she wanted him to. This was as important to her as it was for him, probably even more.

"Fine you win." Mimi sighed as she stared down at her hands. This man was her last hope to bring Matt back to his old self. But she would never admit that to him she was Mimi Tachikawa famous fashion designer. Besides that would boost his ego too much, "I warn you though he isn't going to be happy seeing you after so long. How are you going to handle it?"

"Like I always do," The man smiled, "by showing him that he doesn't have to suffer this alone anymore. Mimi no matter what he says I'm not going to go away!"

"You are just to full of yourself." Mimi chuckled.

"I probably am but you can't deny the fact that when it comes to Matt I'll jump over fire to get to him. Even though it's been seven long years since I last seen him I still love him."

"I just hope you can help him Tai. I really do."

TBC…

Kei52: I decided to make this angst rather than a tragedy. I couldn't bear with the idea of killing off one of my main characters.


	11. Chapter 11

Summary

**Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Eleven: Lost

Bitter

That was the only word that rung through Matt's mind as he took another sip from his coffee. There was nothing in it no sugar, no cream, and no milk in it. Just simple plain coffee and in a way it made sense why he drunk his coffee like this.

It wouldn't take a genius to figure out why he drank his coffee with nothing in it. He liked the bitter taste because it easily went with his mood and situation. Matt had no one but himself in this world. He had no sugar or cream to soften his appearance to make him seem more tolerable towards others. He was forever going to be the miserable failure that wasn't even strong enough to save himself from being pimped out.

'_They hate me now.' _ Matt thought as he tightened his grip on his coffee mug. There was no denying it his friends and family now knew of what Matt had done. He could only predict what his family was doing right now; his mother was probably sitting on her couch crying her eyes out while holding a picture of Matt as an infant. His father was probably sitting next to her trying to figure out how he had raised a son to turn out like this. T.K. was probably at his own home, apartment, wherever he was living sitting in front of his computer doing nothing but staring at the screen feeling lost and betrayed. Trying to figure out how he was related to someone as horrible as him.

In his minds eye he saw them as clear as day and like a flash the images changed. There standing in front of him, as clear as day, were his parents and brother. Their eyes held nothing but hate and resentment as they stared at Matt.

"You're not my son!" his mother cried. Her eyes were the hardest to look at. He had never thought his mother's eyes could look so cold, so distrustful.

"How could you say you're my brother and do such things?" T.K. shouted as his face turned red from anger. His father said nothing as he stared at his son. Matt could only guess that any words spoken to him was his father's way of acknowledging Matt's presence and that is something his father refused to give him.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to I tried to stop him I promise you!" Without his knowledge Matt wrapped his arms around himself as if trying to protect himself from everyone around him.

"Your nothing but a disgusting scum."

"Don't come around this family, Yamato. We want nothing to do with you."

"You -"

"Scum"

"Whore"

"Trash!" The words became harsher filled with venom and each one attacked Matt to the core.

"Forgive me," Matt whimpered as he kneel on the ground, "don't leave me alone. Forgive me for not being stronger to save myself."

"I told you no would want a scum like you!" Matt felt himself go cold as he recognized the voice.

"Go away Mikio!" Matt curse himself for how weak and pleading the words sounded.

"Why should I? You have no one to save you and no one who wants you."

"That's not true!" Matt cried, " It can't be true." Hoping to convince himself more than Mikio.

"You know it's true that you're alone -"

"No I have Tai! He says he'll love me no matter what happens."

"Really then why wasn't he here with everyone else. Maybe-"

"Maybe he couldn't get away from his job!"

"Or maybe he was too ashamed to know that he had actually known a whore like you?"

"No he wouldn't. H-he wouldn't-"

"Why wasn't he here to help you?"

"He said he loves me!"

"Really then, I love you Yama! I love you so much." Mikio said as a small chuckle escaped his lips. "Words that's all they were and nothing else. He never loved you and now that he found out what you were he's probably glad that he never did."

"NO!" Matt screamed hoping to silence Mikio's voice. When he finally opened his eyes he found himself alone. He had always been alone; no one had come to see him yet. But even though everything that had happened was only in his head it felt so real. The words were so real and so cruel.

'_He loved me.' _Matt felt himself losing control as a cloud of doubt came over him. _'Didn't he?' _Tai had always been there for him even when he desperately tried to ran away. Even though he would yell at him, calling him an idiot, he would always come for him because he loves him.

'_NO! That's not true!' _Matt screamed in his head, _'He was told to come get me! The first time that I tried to run away from home it took them nine hours to realize I was gone. No one cares if I'm here or not. Look at my brother, I was gone for seven years and he seems to be doing fine since my absence. Mikio's right no one wanted me or even cared that I wasn't around.'_

"No he never did love me." Matt whispered. "He never wanted me and I don't blame him. I got on Tai's nerves since the beginning and he's probably hating every second that I'm in Japan." He could see it now, as memories came to him, he had been a cold insufferable person who seemed to care for no one but himself. He had always fought with Tai, when they were in the digital world, questioning his plans and actions trying to belittle him in any way that he could. No wonder it had taken the other digidestins so long to get along with him.

With cold realization Matt finally knew the truth 'no one wanted him'. He was a burden to everyone and everything around him. _'I really am nothing more than scum.' _he thought and with that he felt everything in him crumble.

Matt slowly got up from the floor and headed towards his bathroom. He knew what he was going to do and though he knew it was wrong he wasn't going to stop himself. He wanted no need a distraction from his painful thoughts.

Matt searched desperately through his bath kit for the familiar shape of his blade. He desperately needed to cut himself to see the crimson blood drip from his arms. He needed to have a different image in his mind then these cruel memories.

The first cut he didn't feel because his mind was too clouded with thought. The second one he did and he stared in fascination as the blood drip onto his bathroom floor. He felt a familiar and pleasant fog come over his mind. He felt the familiar signals telling him that he was bleeding. He ignored those signals as he cut his arm again. He stopped caring if each cut was deep enough to spill. He just kept cutting and by the tenth cut he felt bolder cutting closer and closer to his veins.

He found it funny, actually, how easy it could be for him to end his life here on his bathroom floor. A simple slash across his wrist and he could end his life. His family would probably be happy to know that a scum like him no longer existed in this world.

He would be doing everyone a favor including himself. Matt hated himself to the very core of his heart. Hated the mere fact that he was still alive and kicking, that he would still wake up and find himself staring back at his reflection in his bedroom mirror.

Back in America it had been easier when Matt wanted to drown in his sorrows. He would drink, party, and do drugs whenever the opportunity came up. He had drunk, snorted, and smoked whatever was handed to him. He had known what he was doing was wrong but he didn't care he wanted to hurt himself! He had even hope at some point he would overdose on the pills that was handed.

But time and time again Matt would wake up from his drug or alcoholic induced slumber and find himself alive and kicking. On those days when he found himself alone he scream, curse every higher being that he knew of, and throw whatever object he had in his hands at the wall. It would go on for minutes or hours depending on how frustrated Matt was at the fact he wasn't dead.

As he went deeper into his depressing thoughts Matt felt a calming tiredness come over him. As he slowly lowered his eyes to his right wrist he noticed that he had unknowingly cut deeper than the cuts before.

He stared in awe as his blood gushed from his wound. It was more than usual as it quickly dripped onto his bathroom floor. _'I'm losing to much blood.'_ Matt thought. Like the sudden wave of tiredness came over him a wave of relief came, stronger and more intoxicating than anything before.

Slowly raising the blade that had fallen into his right hand Matt quickly brought the blade to his left wrist. Slashing through the protective upper skin and the clear veins that could be easily seen on his skin.

He ignored the logical part of his mind that telling him to hurry and call for help. He felt his eyelids become heavy and he felt them slowly shut. He fought to stay awake he wanted to watch as every single drop of his blood landed on his floor but it seemed his body had a different idea.

'_I'm dying.'_ Matt happily thought. _'No more burdens, no more failure, no more me.'_

As Matt felt himself fall deeper and deeper into unconsciousness he allowed himself a small smile as his mind gave him simple parting gifts. Gifts of Tai's voice whispering comforting words and of his warm body wrapping around him. The gifts felt so real that Matt felt a tear slip down his face.

"If only they were real." Matt barely whispered as his mind shut down leaving him in silent darkness.

TBC….


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Twelve: Lost

When Matt came to, he thought he was still in angelic grips of death. His body shuddered with a bone numbing happiness until he realized that the blackness that he had surrender to was different. The blackness had been silent, mysterious, and warm but what greeted him was pale, calm, and smooth.

He was back in the hospital that he thought he had escaped from. The same sheets, bed and wall greeted him; the only difference was that it was a different country and city. He wanted to scream and cry for death had escaped him again.

His body ached everywhere as he tried to change his position on the bed. But when he moved to ease his muscles, he realized that a man's hand was wrapped around his wrist. Matt blinked, focused, and then blinked again in disbelief.

What he had believed to be an illusion was actually real. Tai was asleep in a chair next to his bed. His hands were around his bandage wrist, fingertips resting on his pulse as though even asleep he needed to be reassured that Matt's heart still beat.

With a small shiver Matt closed his eyes. With great effort he replayed the events that brought him to the hospital. He had tried to kill himself believing that it would help everyone. But it hadn't worked to perfection cause he was still alive and still a burden.

'_But Tai is here with you. Doesn't that mean he really loves you?' _The thought soothed Matt, numbing his shock feelings.

Unknowingly he eased his wrist from Tai's grip waking him in the process. His eyes opened revealing the comforting brown eyes that seemed to stare into Matt's very own soul.

When those eyes landed upon him he saw a flash of emotions pass through them. But was only able to name a few. Realization, recognition, anger, sadness, calm but not love.

When Tai took his hand again he snatched his fingers away in shame. At first Tai did nothing but simply stare at him. But after a minute he stood up to look for a nurse to tell them that Matt had woken up.

Even as Tai walked away he couldn't bring himself to shout out his name and ask him to hold him and forgive him. He could handle every emotion known to man but disgust, especially in the eyes of the one he loves, he couldn't handle.

He stayed silent through the doctor's examination, ignoring the question that were asked, and Tai presences. After a couple of more unanswered questions the doctor gave up and advise a nurse to check up on him again after an hour.

Once again he was left alone with Tai. Silence came into the room, echoing the sounds of failure and fear. But the sounds were only being played in Matt's mind. He hoped that if he slept, the sounds would go away, leaving him as silent and empty as he felt.

He heard the chair that had been placed near his bed come closer. He slowly turned his head towards Tai and felt his heart quicken. Since he had nowhere to run to anymore he was finally able to _really_ look at Tai.

He had matured greatly during his seven-year absence. He no longer had that untamed hair that he seemed to never be able style. It was cut short falling barely past his neck. His body had changed too. It was filled in ways that he didn't know was possible. '_Almost like a firefighter's body.' _Matt thought. But what was most attractive about him was his eyes. He remembered soft, playful brown eyes but these were different. They were a shade darker and held an intelligence and confidence that he hadn't seen when they were teens. His lean soccer player had become a football-playing hunk.

So deep into his thoughts he didn't feel the warm fingers that brushed across his face. It wasn't until Tai brushed his fingers on his cheeks again did he realize that he was being touched.

"Aren't you going to ask about yourself?' Tai gently asked and with that Matt felt something break. Emotions ripped through him, a feeling like warmth breathing over the ice surrounding him, threatening him. He felt his breath quicken and unbearable pain spring from his chest.

"It's not real." Matt whispered.

"What's not real?" Tai questioned as he lean over Matt.

"It can't be real!" His breathing began to come out in harsh pants as he struggled to get out of his bed. He wanted to cry but he couldn't the pent up hysteria wouldn't allow it.

"Matt you can't-"

"NO! It's not fair, why do I have to suffer so much." He wanted to run from this cruel illusion that was being played before him. _'It's not Tai1 It can't be him he hates me!'_

"Matt you need to calm down."

"This isn't real! You're not real!"

"But I am."

"You're not real! YOU CAN'T BE REAL!'

"What are talking about? Yama please calm down your gonna hurt yourself! Yama… shit NURSE!"

"Mikio said you hated me!"

"Whose Mikio?"

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" Matt roared.

" Baby listen to yourself! If I wasn't real then why are you telling me to let you go?"

"It's my mind! It has to be, it has always been so cruel to me."

"Matt-"

"NO! You aren't supposed to be kind to me! You aren't supposed to care!"

"Baby-"

"DON'T CALL ME BABY! You aren't real."

"Calm down Yama. Your-"

"NO! You're not real!"

"Dammit! NURSE!" Matt struggled to get away from this cruel illusion that wouldn't leave his mind. He had been tricked enough for one day and had allowed that hope to go to far. He just wanted to go back to his life in the United States as photographer working until he was too tried to lift up his hands.

He fought even when the nurses and doctors rushed into his room. Struggled even when they sedated him screaming that Tai wasn't real until he was lulled to sleep.

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

He didn't brother to turn around when he heard the quiet clicking of heels stop behind him. He already knew who they were.

"How long?"

"The nurse tells me you've been here for almost half the day. You need to -"

"That wasn't my fucking question! How long?"

"Taichi it wasn't your fault-"

"Don't give me that shit Mimi! Seven years he's been out of my reach and you never told me it was this bad."

"We had only lived together for three years. After that he moved west and we occasionally talked on the phone. A year after that I heard he quit his rock band and went into hiding. Six months later he came back up as being a well renowned photographer."

"So why is he here?"

"The house that he was living in caught fire. Eventhough it was hot enough to burn metal he still went back inside" She ignored the sharp intake of breath from Tai and continued to look at the fragile blond before her.

"…Why?"

"Because you had given him something so important, he couldn't bear leaving it in there."

"The bracelet I had given him."

"Yeah." Silence fall between them as every emotion played within them. But the strongest came from Tai. Regret, anger, failure, but most of all love.

"I want him to stay with me once he's discharged."

" I won't allow it."

" And why not!" He screamed turning towards Mimi.

"I won't let you take him out of priority-"

"I'll be damned if I felt as if it was a priority!"

"Then what is it?"

"This," Tai began as he hit his chest, "my heart is screaming out in agony. I left him alone for too long! I wasn't there to comfort him when he needed me! LOOK AT HIM MIMI!" She stayed silent. She wanted to know if his intentions were real, if he wasn't trying to hurt Matt. So she stayed quiet only watching and listening.

"Look at what has become of my love! He has become so thin, so hollow. He's not the cheerful and confident Matt that I remembered. He's not the one that questions my leadership or the one that will do everything just to save his brother. I want that Matt back not this broken blond."

"Tai-"

"No I want to talk! I want to be the one that finally saves him, not you or his family!"

"Tai-"

"I want to be his knight in shining armor! I want to be his superhero! I just want to be there so please don't take him away."

"Look a me Taichi," She calmly waited until those brown eyes looked at her again, " I understand what you are trying to say but this isn't something that could be fix by the snap of your finger."

"You think I don't know that. I-"

"Listen," She snapped, " are you really ready? Are you really ready to give up years of your life to help him? Tell me now Tai or get out of this room."

"Yes Mimi! Days, months, years they're all the same to me. He has been out of my reach for seven years and now that he's back I'm not letting him go." He stood tall; ready to fight with everything he had if she said no. But eventhough on the outside he looked strong on the inside everything was crumbling.

"Then take him Tai. But promise me that you'll bring back the real Matt."

"I promise." The words came out in a hoarse whisper as he bent his head. He felt his shoulders sag and the fight that was he building up leave him completely. _'Matt's coming back to me.'_

He slowly allowed the tears to drip down his face. He had won the battle but now he had to get ready for the war and he'll be damned that he loses it.

TBC…


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Thirteen: Lost

The pain, to him, had been unbearable. He once again had been uprooted and placed into a new environment that he didn't want. The first time was when Mimi had brought him back to Japan only to be prisoner in the house that she chose and have escorts follow him everywhere as if he was five. Now he was force to live with the one person that he had desperately tried to get away from.

He felt like a trapped lab rat that couldn't get away no matter how hard he tried. Truthfully that was an understatement, he could escape since Tai worked at night and left him alone in his apartment building. But he couldn't bring himself to run away; it wasn't because of the fact that he had nowhere to go but the fact that he was back with Tai.

But that knowledge couldn't melt the coldness in his heart. He walked around the apartment as if he was merely a shadow. He refused to speak to Tai or be touched by him. He kept his head down and barely looked up.

So he simply ignored him. He didn't want to know his true intentions of having him here. He just didn't want to know. But Tai's presence couldn't be simply ignored, like he hoped. His presence was as noticeable as a red dot on a white wall.

He ate when he was told to and bathed when he felt dirty. He spent most of his days sitting on Tai's couch watching television. He didn't even glance at his camera equipment, which was sent along with him. He didn't feel no passion, no desire to capture the forgotten beauty that was in the world. So he left them there and allowed it to collect dust.

The unbearable pain soon vanished as days blurred into two months. He still found it shocking that he hadn't put up a bigger fight when Mimi had told him that he would be living with Tai. It was probably because his body had given up before everything else had.

He knew he had become a disappointment to Tai; he didn't have to look at his face to know that. He heard it in the sighs that he thought Matt couldn't hear or the late night phone calls he made to Mimi when he thought he was asleep.

It only helped to strengthen what he had already knew. He had become unbearable; Mimi had brought it up when they had been talking back at the hotel. By unloading all his problems on her, he had unknowingly place a heavy burden on her shoulders. He didn't want to repeat that especially now that he was living with Tai. So he kept quiet and acted like he didn't care. But he knew better, every day that went by something else was dying within him.

* * *

Tai was at his breaking point! He wanted to scream and curse everyone and anyone that he came across, break every glass in his apartment and choke the blond that stayed with him until he begged Tai to stop.

He wanted to, he really did, but he knew he couldn't. Mimi had warned him that he needed patience; the doctors had told him that it wouldn't be easy. But no he **had **to prove them wrong!

If he had known that this Matt would be so lifeless and cold he would have planned things out, instead of jumping head first without any valid facts to back him up. He was tired, irritated, and annoyed that nothing had changed.

Two months of the same routine over and over again. Wake up, take a bath, make breakfast for the both of them, go to work, make dinner, and then sleep. Not once would Matt acknowledge him or even glance at him. He felt that he was merely a guest in the blond's presence.

Of course he wasn't expecting Matt to go back to his old ways. That would be a fool's dream! But he wanted to at least have him say two words to him. A simple "Hello Tai." couldn't kill the blond.

So when the blond decided to ignore Tai's question of what he wanted to eat for tonight. Tai felt something snap and every last control that he had crumble.

"DAMMIT MATT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! AND DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT LOOK!" The blond didn't reply he simply stared at Tai as if he had grown another head.

"So you're not going to reply, huh! You're going to sit on that damn couch and stare at that damn t.v. and act as if I don't exist! You know what FUCK you and starve for all I care. I bring you here to help you and you treat me like I'm shit. I FUCKEN LOVE YOU AND YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!"

"Then send me away." Matt whispered.

"I can't you idiot! I'll give up my left arm if it meant saving you." Slowly Tai saw a change in Matt. His eyes no longer held that dead, defeated look they began to glow. Turning into the ocean blue that he only witnessed when Matt was getting angry.

"How dare you," Matt hissed, "I never asked to be saved. I never asked to come here! SO HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU WANT TO SAVE ME."

"Why can't I save you!"

"BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

"WHAT THE FUCK I'M-"

"YOUR NOTHING TO ME TAICHI! DO YOU HEAR ME NOTHING!"

"IF I'M NOTHING TO YOU THEN WHY ARE YOU!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DRAGGED ME HERE! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO THINKS THAT THIS IS THE PERFECT CURE FOR ME!"

"What but Matt-"

"I NEVER asked for this! You and Mimi keep butting your noses into other people's business. You keep thinking that you know best. But let me ask you something did you ever think that I just wanted to be alone."

"That not what Mimi told me! She told me that you begged her to come with her to the United States. She told me that you were guilt ridden-"

"Ha ha ha! You think I was guilt ridden, you damn idiot! I needed protection and a means to escape and she was my answer."

"If you were in trouble why didn't you come to me? I could have-"

"COULD HAVE WHAT!" Matt roared, "Grow up we're not kids anymore! So leave your fucked up fantasy of being my knight in shining armor in your twisted world."

"So it is true," Tai spat, " your so bitter that you can't even see your own faults. I maybe childish but I at least I didn't taint myself with every bastard that I could fuck with."

"You asshole!" Matt screamed before lunging himself at Tai. Both males fall onto the carpeted floor. Biting and punching each other until Matt found himself pinned onto the floor with Tai on top of him.

"You have no right to say those things about me!"

"I have every right! When you told everyone what you did when you were at the party you opened yourself to us so please let me help you Matt."

"I don't need your help I've been fine on my own."

"Are you sure? Cause last time I checked you almost killed yourself!"

"WHAT IF I WANTED TO DIE!"

"What!"

"Get off me Tai." Matt whispered. Slowly the brunette crawled off of him until the two males were sitting upright staring at each other.

"You don't mean that, please tell me that you didn't mean that." Tai pleaded as he watched the blond slowly rise from the floor to look down upon him.

"I already told you Tai we are no longer children. I can't be the Matt of the past so you have to get use to me."

"But to kill your-"

"It's like you said I'm tainted so maybe of I were to die than this world can be pure again."

"But what about your family and frie-"

"THEY DIED WHEN THE OLD MATT DIED!"

"But-"

"Please stop I'm too tried to fight you right now. If you need me I'm in my room."

"Wait, Yama don't lock me-"

**_SLAM_**

"out. Shit!"

TBC…


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Fourteen: Lost

He was going to lose his mind and he was looking forward to it.

It would be better than hearing the constant voices that were begging for him for relief.

It wasn't as if he was ignoring them, it's just he had no means to give these voices relief.

Tai had made sure that Matt didn't have any access to all the sharp objects that were in the apartment.

The knives, glass cups and plates were locked in a drawer in the kitchen. Matt's razors were hidden from him and the only time he was able to use them was when Tai was around to watch him shave.

Tai went even as far as removing anything that Matt could use to cause harm upon himself.

In a way it disgusted Matt. Tai was treating him as if he was a one year old. Baby proofing everything so Matt didn't harm himself.

It made Matt sick.

But he understood Tai's reasoning. Matt was unstable and anything that gleam in a way that his mind can picture it covered in his blood, was dangerous.

But Tai's reasoning still couldn't stop the voices.

They were there when he woke in the morning and stayed with him until he falls asleep at night. Matt knew he wasn't mentally unstable he was just unstable.

I mean even Tai had agreed with the idea that Matt was just unstable. He would sit next to him on the couch and simply look at Matt and say

"Nothings wrong with your mind. You're just not completely there."

And Matt could do nothing but simply look at Tai and laugh.

But it still didn't stop the voices.

In fact it made the voices scream in agony at what Tai said and Matt couldn't do anything but listen.

They tell him he's worthless and they scream for him to end his own life. It's even funny how sometimes he hears Tai's voice calling him a pig.

But what can Matt do. It's the truth and he takes it and buries it with all other painful truths that he holds in his heart.

Of course he tried to ignore their words but ever since the fight he had with Tai, they've become stronger.

I mean it must be true what they say if Tai has started to ignore his very presence. It's as if Tai goes out his way to avoid Matt.

When he wakes up his breakfast is at the table and Tai has gone to work. Dinner is even worse. Matt is lucky to even see a glance of Tai.

It's funny how in the beginning it was Matt who was trying to avoid Tai as best as he could. Now it's the other way around and it hurts.

Tai was Matt's last hope at salvation and he had blown it.

Matt didn't mean to explode on Tai but it was killing him how Tai only wanted him there because he felt "responsible for it"

If Tai had told him that the reason he took him in wasn't because he pitied him but because he wanted to love him. Then Matt would have believed everything Tai had said.

But the first thing that Tai had told him, when he was picking him up from the hospital, was that he was going to rescue Matt.

It broke something in Matt and he could do nothing but hold in that pain.

If Matt had wanted to be rescued he would have gone to that shady drug dealer and die from an overdose!

He wanted to be loved. To be pulled in Tai's embrace and feel that comfort that he had felt at the hotel.

But Tai never gave it to him and that's when Matt knew that he wasn't wanted.

Yeah sure Tai had told him that he still loves him. Big whoop! He probably only said because he had wanted Matt to feel guilty.

Mikio was right there were only three simple words.

Three simple words that can be said without any feelings behind it.

Three simple words that Matt had believed in throughout his stay in the U.S.

And now it was pointless.

He had wanted to believe that love would heal any wound.

But without Tai's love then the wounds that Matt had, both physically and emotionally, were going to bleed out and he wouldn't be able to stop it.

Matt stared at the apartment and decided that it would be best if he just left.

But as he grabbed to open the door, he realized something.

He was trapped.

If he left, Mikio would be waiting for him and he knew he would be punished severely for leaving without Mikio's permission.

But if he stayed then he will continue feeling Tai's rejection and hatred of him.

So Matt did the most logical thing.

He fall to the floor laughing.

He truly was in hell and look the voices were back screaming at him again.

TBC…

* * *

Kei52: Finally had some time to write this ^.^


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary**

**Something terrible has happened to Matt Ishida. Causing him to return to the one person he hoped to never see again.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing! But I wish I did.**

Chapter Fifteen: Lost

Taichi Kamiya wasn't the smartest man in the world and he knew that. It was something that he learned to accept and live with it.

But what he didn't have in smarts, he made up for it in instincts. Now that was something that he was proud of, without it he wouldn't be the businessman that he was today.

His boss would always tell him that while he was on the job nothing would go past him, no matter how small a detail it was. He was admired and respected in his profession for his instinct.

In fact, he can count the amount of times that he had gotten his company out of a sticky situation, on his left hand alone. Billions would have been lost if not for his instincts.

So when he stepped into his apartment he automatically knew that something was wrong.

It was quiet, something that Tai was use to when he would come back from work, but it wasn't the usual quiet.

It was the same quiet that he had experienced when he had woken up and Matt was no longer near him.

It was the same quite that he had experienced when he found Matt bleeding on his bathroom floor and near death.

So Tai did the most logical thing, he dropped everything that he was holding, and ran towards Matt's room. He didn't know what he would find when he reached Matt's room but he wasn't hoping for the worst.

He ran through everything, in his mind, which could harm Matt, and prayed that he hadn't missed anything.

He had locked up all the glasses, including the dishes and cups, in the kitchen drawer.

Check

He had hid all the knives and forks in his room, which he had locked with a key.

Check

His windows, thankfully, were not made of glass and were still open to allow breeze and sunlight into the apartment.

Check

Anything that was poisonous, especially the ones that could be swallowed, inhaled or injected, were stored in the hallway closet, which now sported a new lock.

Check

Tai had even gone as far as hiding chess pieces because he had feared that Matt would try to swallow one just to kill himself.

He had done everything the doctor had recommended and more, yet that simple thought still couldn't stop the fear that was pulsing through his veins.

'_Did I make a mistake,' _Tai thought, '_Did Matt find something that I had missed?' _

Tai prayed that he didn't

"Matt?" No response

"Matt, are you in your room?" No response

"Matt?" Slowly, inch by inch, Tai pushed the door to Matt's room opened. What greeted him was the blond sitting on the floor in front of his bed.

"Matt?" the blond slowly lifted up his head and looked at the brunette. But what freaked Tai out the most was the fact the Matt wasn't looking at him, he was looking _through _him. "What's wrong?"

"The voices," the blond whispered, "they keep coming back no matter how hard I try to make them go away."

"Voices?"

"The ones that always appear when I'm alone." Tai inched towards the blond, moving as slowly as he can without causing a reaction.

"Tell me about them." As if being awaken from a dream the blond jumped up from the floor and advanced towards the brunette.

"The damn voices that keep shouting my failures," Matt screamed, "you're part of them you know!"

"Wha-"

"Get out of my head!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what the fuck I'm talking about!" Tai didn't know what to say so he did the most common thing, he listened to his instincts. He swiftly grabbed the blond and threw him onto the bed with him on top of it.

"Get off of me!" The blond screamed.

"Not until you calm down." The brunette calmly replied

"Damn you! Get off of me Tai!"

"What do you mean about the voices?"

"Fuck you! Get out of my head"

"How can I be in your head when we've barely talked?"

"Get out of my head! Get out!"

"Matt-"

"Let me up! Let me up!"

"No! I won't let you up. Tell me Matt. Please." Tai anxiously watched as emotions played across his loves face. "I won't yell or turn from you, believe me Matt. Like you use to."

A minute passed then another but Tai stood still on top of the blond. He wouldn't let him go no matter how much he was bitten or scratched. Matt had to understand that he wasn't alone in his struggle, not anymore.

Slowly as if being pulled into a trance Matt began to relax underneath him. His arms fall limply to the bed and he looked up at Tai.

"I can't stop them." The blond whispered.

"You can't stop what?"

"The voices. I don't know when it started but they always come when I'm not trying to distract myself with music or photography."

"What do they say?" Tai asked gently but he was met with silence. "Love, what do they say?"

"The truth."

"And that is?"

"That I'm a whore." Matt choked out as he struggled not to cry. '_No! Not in front of Tai' _

"Matt, I'm going to tell you this once and I want you to repeat it after me. Okay?"

"Okay." Gently, so he wouldn't startle the blond, Tai lowered his face towards Matt until his nose was touching the other.

"You were abused, taken advantage of and hurt in the worst way. You saw and did things that went against your morals. Most idiots would call you a whore but you see love that is all that they are idiots and I highly doubt anyone would take an idiot seriously."

"You-"

"Hush. I am not done. You are not a whore. You are not disgusting, dirty, vile or any other demeaning words. You are an angel."

"No I-"

"You are! You are beautiful and even now I find myself wanting to kiss you. I love you and always will. What happened to you was cruel but it still doesn't change my opinion of you. You are my angel. My beautiful angel." Tai spoke patiently

"Lies."

"Truth."

"You can't-"

"I do. Now look into my eyes and see the truth that I speak."

Slowly Matt looked into the brunette's eyes fearing what he would see but instead of cringing in fear, he was stunned. Tai's eyes were almost black with desire but that was not what stunned Matt, it was how he was looking at him. Tai was in awe of him, was the only way that the blond could describe it.

"Do you see it?" The blond could only nod. "You are so beautiful to me. Now repeat after me, 'I am not vile but pure. I am not disgusting but beautiful. I am not a whore but an angel.'"

"I can't."

"Say it Matt!"

"I can't"

"Say it!"

"I am not vile but pure."

"Go on."

"I am not d-disgusting but beautiful."

"You can do it baby." Tai whispered as he softly caressed Matt's face.

"I am not"

"Come on baby"

"I am not a whore but an a-a-angel!"

Something in him had finally broken. These tears weren't because of shame or hatred but because he hadn't had someone in long time who saw him as something more than a nice ass. No theses tears were for cleansing and healing. He was loved and needed and the tighter the brunette held him, the more he felt that love.

He believed Tai, no matter how much those voices told him that Tai didn't care. He saw it now and he regretted doubting him when he was only trying to help Matt. Tai didn't reject him and that was enough for him to believe.

"H-help me." The blond choked out.

"I will Matt, no matter how long it takes I will." Tai whispered as he pulled the blond closer to him. _ I finally got through,_ Tai thought as he gritted his teeth to prevent his own tears from falling,_ My angel I finally got through to you._

TBC…

* * *

Kei52: Hey sorry I've been away for so long but a lot of bad things have happened in the past year and I just got a break. I'll try to upload more in the future. Thanks for sticking around ; )


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